I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
