It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
