The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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