I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
