I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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