Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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