You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
