I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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