just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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