I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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