Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
