My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
