You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
