so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
