Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
