Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
