He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
