I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
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Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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