Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
