haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
