she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
