i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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