and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
