I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
