home. puking in laundry basket.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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