Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
