is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
