end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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