ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
