I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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