Girls should come with a carfax report
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
