Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
