like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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