uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
