i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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