this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
