I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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