Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
