fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
