I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
