she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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