How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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