how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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