so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
