you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Life is so much better after having sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
