Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
