hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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