Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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