if you like me you must not know who I am
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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