he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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