; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
