You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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