The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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