The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
