I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
