I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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