if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
