I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
