he puts the penis in happiness.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
