I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
