I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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