Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
