I just threw up on my dentist
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
