Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
