His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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