Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Randomize
