she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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