you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
