Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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