What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im holly from the hills drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
