Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up under a house in Key West
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
