i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
