What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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