I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
