How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
