Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
