Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
