I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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