I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
