Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
