There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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