I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
