Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
